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funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital. Anthony Jeselnik
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.' Anthony Jeselnik
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once. Anthony Jeselnik
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby. Anthony Jeselnik
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down. Anthony Jeselnik
inspiring mind consistent
Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life. Tony Robbins
inspiring freedom silence
Let silence take you to the core of life. Rumi
inspiring strong-women fear
Knowing what must be done does away with fear. Rosa Parks
inspiring leadership freedom
I would like to be known as a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people. Rosa Parks
inspiring girl strong-women
I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on earth. The sense of independence and security is very sweet. Susan B. Anthony
inspiring leadership philosophy
My philosophy of leadership is to surround myself with good people who have ability, judgment and knowledge, but above all, a passion for service. Sonny Perdue
inspiring thinking two
That's why I think death is the most wonderful invention of life. It purges the system of these old models that are obsolete. I think that's one of Apple's challenges, really. When two young people walk in with the next thing, are we going to embrace it and say this is fantastic? Are you going to be willing to drop our models, or are we going to explain it away? I think we'll do better, because we're completely aware of it and we make it a priority. Steve Jobs
inspiring thinking people
I think the artistry is in having an insight into what one sees around them. Generally putting things together in a way no one else has before and finding a way to express that to other people who don't have that insight.... Steve Jobs
inspiring morning heart
All we are is our ideas, or people. That's what keeps us going to work in the morning, to hang around these great bright people. I've always thought that recruiting is the heart and soul of what we do. Steve Jobs
letting-go believe judging
I let God be the judge and I believe that we worship a just and fair God who won't punish innocent people unnecessarily. Jimmy Carter
letting-go mistake adversity
Those who profit from adversity possess a spirit of humility and are therefore inclined to make the necessary changes needed to learn from their mistakes, failures, and losses. ... When we are focused too much on ourselves, we lose perspective. Humility allows us to regain perspective and see the big picture. ... Humility allows us to let go of perfection and keep trying. John C. Maxwell
letting-go successful leader
COURAGE isn't an absence of fear. It is doing what you are afraid to do, letting go of the familiar and forging ahead into new territory. What I have discovered is that the best leaders have the courage to act - are willing to take the risk, make the statement, point the way, lead the way - when others hesitate out of fear. Effective leadership requires the ability to stand up, stand out, and the conviction to do it. I have never known a successful leader that was not courageous. John C. Maxwell
letting-go expectations piercings
Renunciation-is a piercing Virtue-The letting go A Presence-for an Expectation-. Emily Dickinson
letting-go hard-times let-it-go
I didn't have a hard time making it. I had a hard time letting it go. Elliott Smith
letting-go moving mind
You're just playing, playing, playing, and then an image or something will come into your mind, and basically you're just narrating it with music, letting it move along. Edie Brickell
letting-go song school
I'm an old-school, embarrassing Joni Mitchell fan. Her music made a hook in my soul and hasn't let go for all these years. I even sing her songs as lullabies to my kids. Edie Falco
letting-go crazy people
Some people thought I was crazy to have let go of all the worldly things I had "achieved." They didn't understand that I didn't want or need any of that anymore. Eckhart Tolle
letting-go strong pain
The remnants of pain left behind by every strong negative emotion that is not fully faced, accepted, and then let go of join together to form an energy field that lives in the very cells of your body. Eckhart Tolle