Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
team guy lockers
I never thought I would see it. I’m not saying it’s not possible. I’m not saying it didn’t happen. I don’t know. There’s a lot of guys getting picked on (in the locker room). Some handle it well, some don’t handle it as well. I’m not saying it’s right, and from a locker room sense or from a team sense, I’m not saying it’s wrong. It’s just the way it is. Brett Favre
team winning texas
During my 40-year coaching career at West Point, Indiana and Texas Tech, my teams reached the Final Four on five occasions, winning the national championship three times. Bobby Knight
team america race
I own a Ferrari race team, and we race all over North America. Robert Herjavec
team winning games
It's about the process. It's about getting better. 'Let's execute on this play, let's execute on this drive.' You do those things, and over the course of the season you'll get better as a team and you'll get to a point where hopefully you're playing at a high level to win the games that really become at another level. Tony Romo
team creating people
I just love every minute of my life. I love the variety. Every minute of every day I'm meeting fascinating new people, learning and working with wonderful teams of people creating wonderful things. Richard Branson
team people self-improvement
Look for the best in people to build a fantastic team
team responsibility giving
I learnt from an early age the need to delegate responsibility out to other team members as there is just too much for one person to do themselves. What is the point of hiring talented team members if you don't give them the freedom to make the most of the chance you have given them?
team responsibility government
We need government and business to work together for the benefit of everyone. It should no longer be just about typical "corporate social responsibility" where the "responsibility" bit is usually the realm of a small team buried in a basement office - now it should be about every single person in a business taking responsibility to make a difference in everything they do, at work and in their personal lives.
team animal order
Order is a necessary condition for making a structure function. A physical mechanism, be it a team of laborers, the body of an animal, or a machine, can work only if it is in physical order. Rudolf Arnheim