Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
guess
I guess you just keep on going out there every day. Jack Wilson
guess total
So I guess I had, I think they tell me I had, about three years total of piano lessons, off and on. Warren Zevon
happened
Nothing ever happened - Not even this Jack Kerouac
happen practice stuff sure
It's stuff we practice all spring. And when we're out there doing it, we're like, 'Well, is this ever going to happen during the season?' Sure enough, we executed it well (Monday). Jason Jennings
happen seen
That is rare. I do not know if I have ever seen that happen before.
happen next worst
That is the worst thing you want to happen. You want to be the one to get the next goal. Unfortunately, we let that happen to us.
happen people reach small steps
That is the quickest way to reach everyone. We need to get enough people together, but this is very preliminary. We must take small steps to get to a big step. This will not happen quickly.
happen wild
Talladega is the wild card; anything can happen there and no one is immune. Benny Parsons
happen knows mess players
Its just a big mess whats going on, especially for myself, the players and the staff, and no one knows whats going to happen in the long run. John Bryant
happen scared
It scared me enough that I want to do something about it right away, ... I don't want it to happen again. David Tom
happen needed road row seems sooner three win
It needed to happen sooner or later, and it was important for us to win three in a row now and take it on the road. It seems like we've been on the road all year, but we have to play better on the road.
love friendship happiness
Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence. Sydney Smith
love
I'm finally OK with the idea of who I love, who I want to be with. Sheryl Swoopes
love religious powerful
The Truth that is to be Realized may be summarized simply as the Realization that no matter what is arising, no matter how many others are present, there is only One Being. This is precisely different from the childish but common religious notion that even when you are alone there is always Someone Else present, Who will look out for you if you do the right thing. True freedom is not a matter of striking a deal with an All-Powerful Parental Deity; no such God exists. True freedom is in the Realization that there is only God and You are That One.
love pain stubborn suffer wearing
Through their stubborn mindedness, and by wearing their disguises, they are deluded, they suffer in pain from the love of duality.
love
You have to play by feel and I love that,
love moved save
You have to love it before you are moved to save it. Sylvia Earle
love share
The one thing they share is a love of animals.
love
When you love somebody and they die young and you are young, too, it is very hard. Daniel Barenboim
love sweet watching
We all love Steve. It was sweet watching him do his thing.