Famous Quotes & Sayings

Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man

Allan Sherman

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Anthony Jeselnik

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

Anthony Jeselnik

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Anthony Jeselnik

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

Anthony Jeselnik

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

Anthony Jeselnik

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Michael Beasley

It was an honor to be a part of history, but honestly I don't remember all the games we've played. I do remember the trips, though, and that's what we will miss the most ? all those good times.

Dick Jauron

(Bettis) is the kind of player that the game needs, the game thrives on, and the game grows around.

Lofa Tatupu

Everything is structured. He gives you a number of things to prepare for the week. You go to the game knowing what to expect.

Quin Snyder

Tucker took the game over. No matter who guarded him, he was tough for us to handle.

Ben Olsen

Yes, yes a lot. I was probably more nervous for this game than I have been in a long time. Nerves help sometimes, though.

Junior Lessard

You are not really supposed to do that, but after a game like that you want to.

Bob Shinkan

Todd and I have already talked about this. This will be the game we play here every year.

Craig Yenzer

You can't come into a game unemotional and I think we did that. That shows some growth because some of these experiences we're going through are going to help us come district.

Mike Davis

You can just see it in their faces. It's not the same team. Because we lost one game or two games on the road and it was like the end of the year. When you think about that, it doesn't make sense. At all.

Dick Cavett

Great humorists are great insulters.

Lao Tzu

As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.

Catullus

Nothing is more silly than silly laughter.

Alan King

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.