Famous Quotes & Sayings

Adam Carolla

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

Adam Carolla

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Adam Carolla

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Adam Carolla

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Adam Carolla

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

Adam Carolla

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Adam Carolla

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Adam Carolla

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

Allan Sloan

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Russell Lynes

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

Russell Lynes

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

Robert Redford

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

W. Somerset Maugham

She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.

Jonathan Swift

Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.

Jonathan Swift

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.

Joe Orton

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

Henry Adams

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

Dave Barry

A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.