Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
anger anybody brian calm cover game plays quiet wants win
Brian can cover so much of the field, ... He's very calm out there. He plays hard, but he doesn't have that anger to him. That's who he is. He's a quiet person off the field, but when it comes game time, he wants to win more than anybody else. Nick Rimando
anger light heat
Letting off steam always produces more heat than light. Neal A. Maxwell
anger proportion blur
I have to say that anger is the blanket that comes around me, and that blunts and blurs my sense of proportion. Pete Townshend
anger men self
Had I a careful and pleasant companion that should show me my angry face in a glass, I should not at all take it ill; to behold man's self so unnaturally disguised and dishonored will conduce not a little to the impeachment of anger. Plutarch
anger men savages
No beast is more savage than man when possessed with power answerable to his rage.
anger america victory
I may have been the only candidate in America who failed to ride the wave of anti-establishment anger to victory. Mickey Kaus
anger people frustrated
Am I ever angry or frustrated? I only feel angry sometimes when I see waste, when things that we waste are what people need, things that would save them from dying. Frustrated? No, never. Mother Teresa
anger doe achieve
Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything.
anger passion men
In the same degree in which a man's mind is nearer to freedom from all passion, in the same degree also is it nearer to strength. Marcus Aurelius