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funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
golf huge imagine market million opposed people took tournament waiting
Imagine what we can do if we took this tournament to 1.3 million people as opposed to just Greensboro. There's a huge market for this golf tournament that's just waiting to be tapped into. Bobby Long
golf love thinking
I was thinking to myself yesterday, 'You know, I'm 3-over and I still love the golf course,' Jerry Kelly
golf weekend president
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.' Jay Leno
golf hbo skiing
I have a project at HBO and one at the Family Channel coming that are being looked at. Aside from that I am not doing much more than playing golf and some skiing. Gil Gerard
golf want matter
You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin
golf terrible feels
Why do we work so hard to feel so terrible? Hollis Stacy
golf player differences
I can't see anyone coming out, because the players feel it is no one's business. We all stick together. We're a very tight group. It would be too hard for just one person to do, too stressful. And why should it make a difference? The LPGA is about golf.
golf games competition
The competition I played against was fantastic, but golf is a different game now. The courses have shrunk because the equipment has gotten better. They're hitting the ball 10 to 15 percent farther because of the changes in the golf ball.
golf bumps economy
Women's golf definitely hit a bump in the road. We lost some tournaments due to a combination of things led by the downturn in the economy.