Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
men religion useless
Men would never be superstitious, if they could govern all their circumstances by set rules, or if they were always favoured by fortune: but being frequently driven into straits where rules are useless, and being often kept fluctuating pitiably between hope and fear by the uncertainty of fortune's greedily coveted favours, they are consequently for the most part, very prone to credulity. Baruch Spinoza
men simplicity fame
The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. Augustus Hare
men goes-on prometheus
And man will go on. Man, not men. Ayn Rand
men years advice
That man has offered me unsolicited advice for six years, most of it bad. Calvin Coolidge
men happiness-and-success foundation
The seminary programs will help you as a young man or woman to lay a foundation for happiness and success in life. Richard G. Scott
men hands way-in-life
A man who wishes to make his way in life could do no better than go through the world with a boiling tea-kettle in his hand. Sydney Smith
men want fool
A man may be as much a fool from the want of sensibility as the want of sense. Anna Jameson
men courtesy he-man
The greater the man the greater the courtesy. Lord Alfred Tennyson
men nurse despair
It becomes no man to nurse despair, but, in the teeth of clenched antagonisms, to follow up the worthiest till he die.
cash changing fairly matter register settings
This isn't just a matter of changing the settings on a cash register - that can be done fairly quickly.
cash continue ignoring pump ring surplus
They can continue to pump away and ring the cash register, ignoring the looming Q2 supply/demand surplus just like everyone else.
cash way judgment
The studios are very much business. Maybe it was always that way. It is really commercial now. Judgments are made and directions are given to make the cash register ring. Dianne Wiest
cash full seen trying until
We're not trying to look into (Titan's) cash drawer. But they want us to say that all's well, and we can't say that until we've seen the full picture.
cash component ought revenue
The value that some analysts put on revenue vs. what they put on profit is out of whack. If you can grow real cash earnings, that's 80% of what you ought to do, and the revenue component is 20%.
cash commodity company flows great question tremendous whether
The question about Dell is whether this is a commodity business. But this is a company with little debt, tremendous cash flows and a great reputation.
cash continue goal immediate
We have an immediate need for cash because our goal is to continue the restoration effort.
cash evidence performance quarter turnaround
Xerox's performance in the first quarter is evidence of significant cash and operational improvements as well as the effectiveness of our turnaround strategy, Paul Allaire
cash chases companies money pie rather silicon sky valley
Today?s (venture capital) money chases older, more-established companies with real cash flows, rather than pie in the sky projections. Silicon Valley has evolved.