Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
goes ranks
This ranks right up there. This goes back 14 years. Bobby Cox
goes relationship works
No relationship works without making an effort. That goes without saying. But you should never overcompensate. Sonam Kapoor
goes guy pull
The guy goes into the stands. How'd he pull it out? If I was a fan, I would've mauled him. Craig Biggio
goes guy huge momentum playing shifted works
A huge momentum shift. Raphael's been huge. When we're not playing as well as we want to, he's a guy who goes out and works (hard) and you get the momentum shifted back our way. Mike Serba
goes knows obviously period success tough
It's been a long trip, it obviously hasn't been fruitful. Everyone goes through periods, this is a tough period for us. Everyone knows what success is and we're not having it right now. Buck Showalter
goes nfl
It's been pretty traumatic, ... I thought we were kind of set there in a lot of ways. It just goes to show in the NFL you're never sure. Joe Gibbs
goes happens pitcher pitching
It's got to be frustrating. Any pitcher that goes out there and that happens to you, it's got to be frustrating when he's been pitching so well. David Ross
goes good matter playing playoffs record soccer start team
It's good to start playing well now before playoffs start. Every team goes to the playoffs, no matter what your record is, so we just need to be playing good soccer when they start.
goes rare
It's pretty rare to find that and in this league, that goes a long way.
last trace
Rather, like the anarchists of the last century, he didn't care if he was killed or not. They just wanted to be known. We found no trace of any conspiracy. John Sherman Cooper
last played team
We're a better team right now, the way we've played the last 10 games.
last looking selective signed taking year
We signed 23 last year, and this year we signed 12. This year we were very selective because we were looking at taking one at every position, basically.
lasts months
The last 29 days of the month are the toughest! Nikola Tesla
last trust
Let this be my last word, that I trust in your love. Rabindranath Tagore
last months nine saw waiting work
What I saw today, it made me feel good. It made my work for the last nine months look good. I've been waiting for it. Octavio Dotel
last taken train year
In the last year or so, this has really taken off like a freight train without brakes.
last year
In the last year and a half, (A9) hasn't skyrocketed in popularity.
last seeing
In the last two years, we're seeing more and more communities saying, 'We just don't want to use the technology.