Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
girls high ready work
Our girls put in a lot of work over the summer, so we're ready to go. We're going up there with high expectations. Crystal Hackney
girls playing stepped
Our girls just stepped it up and McClintock was playing to not get beat.
girls trying
Our girls have been working hard. Our girls are trying to get better, and we're making progress.
girls good job keeping momentum team volleyball
Our girls do a good job of keeping a team down, ... Volleyball is very much a momentum game, so it's important not to let a team back in the game.
girls hard played routine southeast study
Our girls are very intelligent and they study hard for their exams. We were out of our routine early. Southeast played well and we were not sharp.
girls offense played ran though
Overall, I thought we played really well. We ran our offense well and got back on defense. I know the girls were pleased, too. Even though it was a loss, we played pretty well.
girls stepped
Overall, the girls stepped it up. They showed a lot of character. Josh Davis
girls growth tremendous
Overall, the girls showed tremendous growth and teamwork.
girls mom took
My mom took me to see 'Annie' on Broadway when I was little, and I just wanted to be doing what those girls were doing. Bonnie Somerville
hit quick
They hit us quick like they did in the first half.
hit
They hit us a little bit, but that is what the SEC does.
hit
They hit threes all day long. They never stopped.
hit situation tough
They hit their shots, and that's not traditionally what they do. It was just a very tough situation for us in the first half.
hit scary
They hit the crossbar there and that was a scary moment, but you've got to give them credit.
hit shots
They hit some big shots and we didn't.
hit missed
They hit shots, and we didn't during that stretch. We had two wide-open threes and missed them both. Mark Turgeon
hit preview rest
It's going to be a preview of WDA. Dickinson and Bismarck are usually always here, but the rest are hit and miss.
hit longest second seen
That second one he hit, I think is the longest I've ever seen hit here. That was a no-doubter.