Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
boys littles way
Throughout my life, the scriptures have been a way for God to reveal things to me that are personal and helpful. When I was a little boy, I was given a small Bible. If I remember correctly, it was only the New Testament. Henry B. Eyring
boys toys bunch
I was a boy toy for a bunch of women. Jon Bon Jovi
boys community girls momentum
This (B&G Club) has the momentum to make it. It can be a community facility, not just a Boys and Girls Club. Jim Henderson
boys flesh want
"Then what can you want to do now?" said the old lady,gaining courage. "I wants to make your flesh creep," replied the boy. Charles Dickens
boys night men
The sum of the whole is this: walk and be happy, walk and be healthy. "The best of all ways to lengthen our days" is not, as Mr. Thomas Moore has it, "to steal a few hours from night, my love;" but, with leave be it spoken, to walk steadily and with a purpose. The wandering man knows of certain ancients, far gone in years, who have staved off infirmities and dissolution by earnest walking,-hale fellows close upon eighty and ninety, but brisk as boys.
boys littles little-time
So many boys, so little time... Alanis Morissette
boys blood texas
Well, I'm a Texas boy, and we have denim in our blood. Caleb Landry Jones
boys draw
I have four boys and two girls, and the girls, they typically want you to draw princesses, Tinkerbell, Cinderella, things like that. Steve Breen
boys coming heads ok work
We had every chance, and we just couldn't put them away. We were coming at them the whole game, but it's OK. I told the boys it was OK and to keep their heads up, but we've got to work on finishing. That's all there is.
looks stories actors
Some film actors want to sit back and look at every scene and all that crap. No, you're an actor - tell the story, and when it's told, there's another one to tell. Clarke Peters
looks mate swans
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
looks let-him-go shoulders
Be careful how you talk about God. He's the only God we have. If you let him go he won't come back. He won't even look back over his shoulder. And then what will you do? Harold Pinter
looks shooting throwing
He was throwing them in from everywhere. When he's shooting like that, it looks like everything's going to go in.
looks officer police stopped time
He is going to get stopped every time a police officer looks at him because of his notoriety.
looks
He looks good. He looks the same to me. Michael Finley
looks potential range
He looks faster. I think he can get into the 14.2 range in the highs. But I also like his potential in the intermediates. Jason Smith
looks thinking ways
He'll be the first to tell you he still has a ways to go yet. He is progressing well. He is much more mature. He looks a lot more comfortable out there. He's not thinking as much.
looks want wonderful
Nature isn't classical, dammit, and if you want to make a simulation of nature, you'd better make it quantum mechanical, and by golly it's a wonderful problem, because it doesn't look so easy. Richard P. Feynman