Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
past years prison-population
The Federal prison population has increased more than 7-fold over the past 20 years. Bobby Scott
past illusion ability
The illusion that we understand the past fosters overconfidence in our ability to predict the future. Daniel Kahneman
past people skinny
I love round people, I love skinny people. I love people in general; we've got to get past labels and stop being so critical about everything. David Arquette
past interesting people
In my research, what I found most interesting was how common and ordinary magic was to people in the past. David Liss
past two fire
Through the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see, one chance out between two worlds, fire walk with me! David Lynch
past america political
If there is anything that is important to America, it is that you are not a prisoner of the past. David Halberstam
past decision architect
The decisions of our past are the architects of our present. Dan Brown
past years idols
For the past two years,the only thing the 'Idol' machine has been doing has been maliciously attacking my name. Corey Clark
past names identity
When you get past making labels for things, it is possible to combine and transform elements into new things. Look at things until their import, identity, name, use, and description have dissolved. Corita Kent
years sam-cooke
I started with Sam Cooke when I was 6 or 7 years old. Bobby Womack
years issues adequate
Each year over 2,500 commercial vessels enter the Port of Hampton Roads alone, so adequate funding for port security is a significant issue for those of us who live in Richmond and Hampton Roads.
years cpr police
In the last 5 years I've been working with the LAPD, training police officers in first aid and CPR. Bobby Sherman
years guy half
At one point, I said to the officials that you guys haven't called walking for 20 years, now you don't know what it is. When you call walking, you're about half right. Bobby Knight
years long answers
I decided a long time ago but sometimes it takes you 40 years to get around to doing something - and that's the truthful answer. Dustin Hoffman
years mankind thousand
Every year a thousand kilometers of motor-roads will be opened until the greatest work in the history of mankind is completed. Adolf Hitler
years europe germany
Thus one of Europe's most serious crises will be ended, and all of us, not only in Germany but those far beyond our frontiers, will then in this year for the first time really rejoice at the Christmas festival. It should for us all be a true Festival of Peace.
years two eight
In the course of carrying through our program for which we have calculated four years, two and one-quarter million out of six million unemployed have already received employment again within a period of eight short months.
years actors might
As an actor, often you're stuck with these scenes in which a great period of time is in between them - for example, if you do a biopic, it might be a year, it might be a decade, you never know. Aden Young