Famous Quotes & Sayings

Allan Sherman

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Anthony Jeselnik

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

Anthony Jeselnik

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Anthony Jeselnik

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

Anthony Jeselnik

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

Anthony Jeselnik

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Michael Showalter

I'm not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they're really cute obviously. They are both wild and domestic at the same time.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Because she’s Acheron companion. (Astrid) Ash has a companion? (Zarek) (The demon snorted. She stood up and whispered loudly in Astrid’s ear.) Dark-Hunters are cute, but very stupid. (Simi)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Cupid is anything but cute. As for handing our hearts, he’s more likely to rip them out. (Julian) But he can make people fall in love. (Selena) No. What he offers is an illusion. No power from above can make one human love another. Love comes from within the heart. (Julian)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Hmmm, I bet you’d be really cute with hornays. Not that you’re not cute right now, but you’re a bit young. You’re only what? Four in human years? Oh wait, that’s wrong, isn’t it? You ninety? (Simi)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don’t intimidate you at all, do I? (Acheron) Well, when you chased me through Kyrian’s house, I did wet my pants a bit. Guess I’m not housebroken after all. My mom will be so disappointed after all she went through to potty train me. But once you let me live…your big mistake…now I know you think I’m too cute and fluffy to kill. (Nick)

John Ruskin

You may chisel a boy into shape, as you would a rock, or hammer him into it, if he be of a better kind, as you would a piece of bronze. But you cannot hammer a girl into anything. She grows as a flower does.

Marie Osmond

What a cute man! Hey, I may be pregnant, but I can still see!

Marie Lu

You know, sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I just ... met you one day. Like normal people do. If I just walked by you on some street one sunny morning and thought you were cute, stopped, shook your hand, and said, "Hi, I'm Daniel.

Mark Zuckerberg

We also have a dog. His name's Beast. He's a sheepdog. He's super cute. I love him.

Andre Maurois

Marriage is not something that can be accomplished all at once; it has to be constantly reaccomplished. A couple must never indulge in idle tranquility with the remark: "The game is won; let's relax." The game is never won. The chances of life are such that anything is possible. Remember what the dangers are for both sexes in middle age. A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.

Henry Ward Beecher

Well-married, a man is winged: ill-matched, he is shackled.

Leonard Davis

It's a piece of paper, but it's a piece of paper that has meaning and value, just like a marriage certificate,

Nuno Bettencourt

A band is like a marriage - you don't know why it works, but when it does, everything feels right.

Richie Sambora

A band is like a marriage, and if you're in a marriage with someone, and you lose yourself in that marriage, the relationship is over, really.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan

The principal objective of American government at every level should be to see that children are born into intact families and that they remain so.