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funny clueless humor
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless. Doug Stanhope
funny believe humor
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? Doug Stanhope
funny running sex
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do. Doug Stanhope
funny might masters
You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater. Donald Rumsfeld
funny sports football
Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck. Don Shula
funny dog blood
Yes, he's got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he's got other kinds you ain't mentioned and that you ain't slick enough to see. Don Marquis
funny pregnancy humor
It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld. Don Marquis
funny birthday time
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. Don Marquis
funny birthday meaningful
Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles. Don Marquis
witty memories kids
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Dave Barry
technology should-have space
It was an excess of fantasy that killed the old United States, the whole Mickey Mouse and Marilyn thing, the most brilliant technologies devoted to trivia like instant cameras and space spectaculars that should have stayed in the pages of Science Fiction . . . some of the last Presidents of the U.S.A. seemed to have been recruited straight from Disneyland. J. G. Ballard