Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital. Anthony Jeselnik
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.' Anthony Jeselnik
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once. Anthony Jeselnik
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby. Anthony Jeselnik
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down. Anthony Jeselnik
dance good happened hope season turn
I can't think about what happened in 2001 and what kind of season it was. It was a good season. But like I say, I hope I can have a season like that, turn it back around and go to the big dance (this year). Bobby Hamilton
dance hands ideas
Whoever has seen the masked at a ball dance amicably together, and take hold of hands without knowing each other, leaving the next moment to meet no more, can form an idea of the world. Luc de Clapiers
dance leave tomorrow
Dance, dance, dance little lady, / Leave tomorrow behind. Noel Coward
dance fun
It's never sad. It's always upbeat. You want to dance to it. It's fun that's what it's all about. Joe Thomas
dance good inch left party people space stand thrown time
I want there not to be an inch of space left for people to stand and have a good time and get the beads that are thrown to them and dance and party and just have a lot of fun. Sharon Smith
dance dance-and-dancing equivalent
It's kind of like the dance world's equivalent of the Olympics. Campbell Pryor
dance great hard physically
It's always hard for me not to dance when I'm on camera; I've had great times doing (TV and movies), but physically I feel very restricted. Bebe Neuwirth
dance mystery edges
Dance on the edge of mystery. Alan Cohen
dance children love-is
Dancing is my number one love. That was my first goal as a child. I would love to do stage, maybe do Chicago. I love being in front of an audience. It's so stimulating. I also love to barbecue. Carmen Electra
humorists
Great humorists are great insulters. Dick Cavett