Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
certainly consistent consumer economic fourth growth number relative smaller spending
This was a disappointing number relative to expectations and certainly consistent with the idea that consumer spending is going to be a much smaller contributor to economic growth in the fourth quarter. Chris Probyn
certain contracts difficult exercise extremely paying releasing space squad time trying
We are trying to make space in our squad by releasing or paying up the contracts of certain players, but it is an extremely difficult exercise at this time of the season.
certain companies concerns few financing pleased raised weeks
We're very pleased the financing was well-received. Just a few weeks ago, there were some concerns raised and speculation that certain companies couldn't raise financing.
certain class club contest depth features four gotten happy level looking met national people players playing point positions prepares replace talent targeting team time total trying won
We're very happy with this year's class, which features four players who have won club national championships. We were specifically targeting certain positions and people, and we met our expectations. We've gotten to the point where I'm so happy with the talent and depth on our team and where we are at that we are now looking at trying to replace a player that leaves. Before we were trying to up the total level of our talent, but now, we're reloading. This class not only has players who will contest for playing time immediately, but it also prepares us for when other people will graduate.
certain needs seems tools
Very often the use of tools is triggered by certain needs and it seems that gorillas have only little needs to use tools in the wild.
certain expecting knows leave locker nobody
You don't know if you should take everything out of your locker or do it the way you've been doing it ? leave certain things in your locker expecting to come back. Nobody knows who's going to be here, player-wise or coaching-wise.
certain expect hopefully overcome situation sure
You got to do the right thing, you've got to live a certain way and do the right things that's required. If you're not doing it, you can't expect to be working for somebody. So they did what they had to do, and his situation I'm sure got to him and hopefully he can overcome it. Gary Sheffield
certain processes shortcuts year
You go through processes and there are no shortcuts from year to year. Certain things have to happen. We are close.
certain change known number seems wearing worth
You get used to wearing a certain number. It's something you are known by. You don't want to change it because it seems you don't even look right in another number. Your number is always worth something.
knows
The dearest things I know are what you are. Oscar Hammerstein II
knows
The only thing about myself I know for sure is that I don't know anything. Ellen Hopkins
knows do-you-know
Do you know we are ruled by t.v.? Jim Morrison
knows
You never know why something works or doesn't. Heidi Klum
knows
You only know what you know. Loretta Swit
knows
You know only insofar as you can measure. Lord Kelvin
knows
To measure is to know.
knows asks
One who never asks either knows everything or nothing. Malcolm Forbes
knows
Did they know why they knew? Not at all. But the Knew! Malcolm Gladwell