Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
brother hate hot
Hot hate is twin brother to hot love. Arthur Conan Doyle
brother vision helping
I wouldn't do the music thing if it weren't for my brother, who's a producer. He understands me and helps my vision come to life. Debby Ryan
brother writing play
My brother plays guitar and base and writes. His name is Chase Ryan.
brother differentiation gender
We were unusually brought up; there was no gender differentiation. I was never thought of as any less than my brother. Maya Lin
brother father thinking
Um. Charles thinks that his wolf has chosen me as his mate." "In less than one full day?" It did sound dumb when he said it that way. "Yes." she couldn't keep the uncertainty of her her voice, though, and it bothered Charles. He rolled to his feet and growled softly. "Charles also said I was an Omega wolf she told his father. That might have something to do with it as well." Silence lengthened and she began to think tha the cell phone might have dropped the connection. Then the Marrok laughed softly. "Oh his brother is going to tease him unmercifully about this. Patricia Briggs
brother nice moon
Did they launch the last space shuttle yet?” – Sundown “I don’t follow.” – Ren “I’m just thinking maybe we should evacuate the whole planet. I’ve heard the moon is kind of nice this time of year.” – Sundown “Focus your ADD, Jess.” – Ren “I gotcha, brother. What you’re forecasting is six more plagues coming out of the northwest at maximum velocity with a mild chance of survival. Followed by the world getting swallowed whole in a vat of evil.” – Sundown Sherrilyn Kenyon
brother children growing-up
I'm a single child. I wanted a little brother or a little sister growing up, but when I think about it, I'm happy I'm an only child. Mae Whitman
brother sibling thinking
I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny. Martin Short
brother mistake heart
Be who you are nothing more nothing less, and let the beauty that you love be the very best. Sing praises to the highest with your feet on the ground, and reach for your brother with the words that you sound, and don't let mistakes be so monumental, and don't let your love be so confidential, and don't let your mind be so darn judgmental, and please let your heart be more influential. Be thankful for all the Spirit provides, And be thankful for all that you can see without eyes, Give thanks to music that keeps us alive, And give thanks to all DJs worldwide. Michael Franti
shoes pairs fabulous
I love Michael Kors! I also love Miu Miu shoes - they're fabulous, I have so many pairs. Bella Thorne
shoes boots flip
Mr. Burns comes out and flips cigar ashes on his shoes, and makes up about 90 percent of what you hear. Bobby Darin