Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bo Burnham

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Bo Burnham

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

Betty White

Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.

We're going to do a show that's loose, human, passionate and funny. A new generation of radio for people with real lives.

William Shakespeare

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

Denis Leary

Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time.

What most readers do not realize is that it takes a particular genius to write funny, to satirize.

Samuel Butler

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Reba McEntire

Being sexy is kind of funny to me. You know, I can get kind of spunky or I can get tough, you know, that kind of tough, sexy look. But sexy? No, I don't think so.

A. Whitney Brown

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Trips were always a blast; he was just a funny guy.

Billy Collins

When I write, I'm not trying to be funny. It's the way I look at the world.

Ronald Knox

Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny.

Daniel Tosh

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

Daniel Tosh

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

David Ogilvy

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

Angelina Jolie

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Andy Kindler

George Lopez is always on the verge of hilarity. If he could ever think of something funny to say, if he had a funny thought in his mind, he's ready to go.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.

Dan Quayle

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.

Dan Quayle

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Dan Quayle

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

Conan O'Brien

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

E. W. Howe

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

Malcolm Forbes

Presence is more than just being there.

Karel Capek

If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.