Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
authority bones breaking measures originally sign sovereign staff symbol
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.
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ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.
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GENEALOGY, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
desire scales weight
REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
drawn given hanged orderly
ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
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I, pro. In grammar it is a pronoun of the first person and singular number. Its plural is said to be ""We"", but how there can be more than one myself is doubtless clearer the grammarians than it is to the author of this incomparable dictionary. Conception
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Education. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
call carried connection curable doses outward recovered repentance small
ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off --to Missolonghi.
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Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.""Why have you halted?"" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; ""move forward, sir, at once.""""General,"" said the commander of the delinquent brigade, ""I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke.
accepted break certain common consent considered curiosity explaining famous generally greatly house invested noble open reasonable rifle science sin soon soul tomb view
TOMB, n. The House of Indifference. Tombs are now by common consent invested with a certain sanctity, but when they have been long tenanted it is considered no sin to break them open and rifle them, the famous Egyptologist, Dr. Huggyns, explaining that a tomb may be innocently ""glened"" as soon as its occupant is done ""smellynge,"" the soul being then all exhaled. This reasonable view is now generally accepted by archaeologists, whereby the noble science of Curiosity has been greatly dignified.