Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
attended cold commonly country cushion experiment governed grow letting period persons results spot unhappy warm worthy zeal
INTERREGNUM, n. The period during which a monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne. The experiment of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy persons to make it warm again.
affairs american-journalist friends-or-friendship future happiness period time
The future is that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
cheating period periods
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
cheating ears easy horrors knew loud marry mine night peace period periods uproar voice woo
PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.O, what's the loud uproar assailing Mine ears without cease?'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing The horrors of peace.Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it -- Would marry it, too. If only they knew how to do it'Twere easy to do.They're working by night and by day On their problem, like moles. Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray, On their meddlesome souls! --Ro Amil
cheating peace period periods
Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
according begins heaven lies lives lying period soon
INFANCY, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
period screwed thousand
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.
age-and-aging compound life longer period remain vices vigor
Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
adam among centuries ceremonies chaos charles chinese dead drumming egyptian embraces fantastic founded great grotesque joined julius man order paris past pyramids reign secret side stones symbols temples until
FREEMASONS, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids --always by a Freemason.
violin
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
barbarous commonly composed compound delight elementary ideas incapable literary man people sentiments tire words writes
MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling. The words are commonly Saxon --that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.The man who writes in Saxon Is the man to use an ax on --Judibras
commonly finger pointing
FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
attained found goal golden mad race run though work
DEAD, adj.Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Though to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! --Squatol Johnes
sovereign
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.