Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
foundation lay
PLEASE, v. To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.
begins home stays
CHARITY, n. a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
beast bounds himself leaps man savage takes
DANGER, n.A savage beast which, when it sleeps, Man girds at and despises, But takes himself away by leaps And bounds when it arises. --Ambat Delaso
athens citizens function great history meetings nine occupying popular prominent seats
CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history --which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers.
advances along feet path pitfalls prepared system
GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
ages distant fame hand intended john mostly name washington written
INSCRIPTION, n. Something written on another thing -- mostly memorial, intended to commemorate the fame of some illustrious person and hand down to distant ages . . . e.g., the name of John Smith, penciled on the Washington monument.
alike brown celebrate ceremony clear duty fit govern manifest maturity shut
DISOBEY, v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e'er I shut May I and duty be alike undone. --Israfel Brown
among depression heaps meant rubbish shot sign stuff trash vacant village
HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n. Depression of one's own spirits.Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps --""Hypochondriasis."" It meant The Dumps. --Bogul S. Purvy
conferred crude form founding good grave harmless himself hot knife lasting library means nor pain rite says sharper spared surer therefore university yield
SCARIFICATION, n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.
belongs neither nor purchase
RANSOM, n. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller, nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments.
entertainment given innocent military popular
RIOT, n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
cheating period periods
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
less name newspaper popular second
LODGER, n. A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.
cheating ears easy horrors knew loud marry mine night peace period periods uproar voice woo
PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.O, what's the loud uproar assailing Mine ears without cease?'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing The horrors of peace.Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it -- Would marry it, too. If only they knew how to do it'Twere easy to do.They're working by night and by day On their problem, like moles. Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray, On their meddlesome souls! --Ro Amil