Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
girlfriend sex believe
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
religious atheist stories
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
cute baby hurt
My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.
dad home hard-times
My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
childhood obesity childhood-obesity
Childhood obesity affects all pedophiles.
girlfriend xbox funny-christmas
This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
mom girlfriend brother
My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.
kids want my-own
I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.
body looks form
I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
mother eye men
Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.
girlfriend hate night
I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.
hands years assault-weapons
You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
girlfriend men want
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
cousin hypocrite politics
I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.