Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is an American stand-up comedian and writer. Hamilton began his stand-up comedy career at The Comedy Store...
ballplayer might
If it's not true, it's libel. If it's true, just think of the ballplayer he might have been.
angeles build los officials olympic pistol wrong
Officials say the only thing Los Angeles will have to build is an Olympic pistol range. What's wrong with the freeways we already have?
capitol democrats honored jackie lifelong mentioned nixon number republican richard robinson statues turned
Jackie Robinson was honored in the U.S. Capitol Wednesday. What a ceremony. It doubled the number of statues in the rotunda because when it was mentioned that he was a lifelong Republican and Richard Nixon supporter, the Democrats turned to stone.
bush coin conduct days football giants held hurricane monday night played president victims
ABC's Monday Night Football held a telethon for hurricane victims Monday when the Giants played the Saints. It went just as expected. Two days later, President Bush called and volunteered to conduct the pre-game coin toss.
add beer believe break deal games marriages monday night saturday sunday television thursday
The (NFL's) new television deal will add Thursday and Saturday night games to the Sunday and Monday games. Advertisers believe the more marriages they break up, the more beer they will sell.
attacked attempt beneath blatant cruise customer entire flies india intimidate missile nuclear pakistan service states thursday united wipe
Pakistan test-fired its first cruise missile Thursday in a blatant attempt to intimidate India. It flies beneath radar. If they attacked India with a nuclear cruise missile it could wipe out the entire United States customer service industry.
friday war marine
Hillary Clinton will travel to Vietnam with the president this Friday. It's a fact that at the height of the war in 1971, she tried to enlist in the Marines, but they turned her down. Apparently we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.
flower sleep smell
The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed.
virginia mind salary
The Concord Coalition in Virginia complained about pork projects and wasteful spending in the federal budget. Consider the Senate chaplain's salary. As occupations go, only mind readers in Los Angeles have fewer things to do all day.
fall sticks mexico
George W. Bush is so pro-Mexico that if you hit him with a stick prizes would fall out of him.
past blue cnn
The Mars Rover sent back stunning photos [last week] indicating the past presence of water. The pictures show tiny splotches of blue on the Red Planet. The other theory is that the satellite dish on the rover accidentally picked up CNN's election coverage.
years california eight
If it turns out that Barry Bonds used steroids to bulk up and add muscle mass, he could get four to eight years as governor of California
sleep cupcakes secret
Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike. It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.
book law support
President Obama shopped at a book store to help support Small Business Saturday. He bought fifteen books. His tax policies and his health care law have been so brutal on small businesses the only way they can survive is if he shops there personally.