Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is an American stand-up comedian and writer. Hamilton began his stand-up comedy career at The Comedy Store...
country new-york golf
Fox News reported Thursday that Bill Clinton can't get into any of New York's better golf and country clubs. Not one member has been willing to sponsor him. So it's official, he really is America's first black president.
race looks wonder
No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they're full of testosterone when they're surrounded by Frenchmen.
country song drinking
The Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night at Universal City. The best country songs are always about drinking and guns and love gone wrong. Next year they're giving Robert Blake the Lifetime Achievement Award.
easter brother holiday
Bill and Hillary will spend Easter with her brothers Hugh and Tony and Roger Clinton. They have a family ritual at all holiday dinners. After they sit down, they hold hands, close their eyes, and get their stories straight.
friday new-york college
Hillary Clinton began a New York thank-you tour Friday by calling for the abolition of the Electoral College. No wonder Arkansas never liked her. She hasn't been in office three days and already she's an abolitionist.
party always-trying america
President Obama hosted a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party's always trying to overthrow their rule in America.
monday new-york home
The Columbus Day Parade was held Monday in New York. Columbus was the world's first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money.
add beer believe break deal games marriages monday night saturday sunday television thursday
The (NFL's) new television deal will add Thursday and Saturday night games to the Sunday and Monday games. Advertisers believe the more marriages they break up, the more beer they will sell.
ballplayer might
If it's not true, it's libel. If it's true, just think of the ballplayer he might have been.
angeles build los officials olympic pistol wrong
Officials say the only thing Los Angeles will have to build is an Olympic pistol range. What's wrong with the freeways we already have?
capitol democrats honored jackie lifelong mentioned nixon number republican richard robinson statues turned
Jackie Robinson was honored in the U.S. Capitol Wednesday. What a ceremony. It doubled the number of statues in the rotunda because when it was mentioned that he was a lifelong Republican and Richard Nixon supporter, the Democrats turned to stone.
bush coin conduct days football giants held hurricane monday night played president victims
ABC's Monday Night Football held a telethon for hurricane victims Monday when the Giants played the Saints. It went just as expected. Two days later, President Bush called and volunteered to conduct the pre-game coin toss.
friday war marine
Hillary Clinton will travel to Vietnam with the president this Friday. It's a fact that at the height of the war in 1971, she tried to enlist in the Marines, but they turned her down. Apparently we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.
flower sleep smell
The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed.