Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
daughter growing-up men
God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: When you gonna wear these for me? She goes, I can't. They're your daughter's. Aaahh! No, no, no! There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.
pain believe life-sucks
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
doors bus bus-driver
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
fun distance believe
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
good-day made said
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.
iphone people invention
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
kissing ass scooters
You can't tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
tree hunters dork
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
sex war pieces
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
stupid drunk riding
I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
rubber condom
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
sharks water safe
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
hands rose heaven
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!
drunk one-day would-be
I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.