Christopher Moore
Christopher Moore
sarcasm revolutionary irritating
It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
despair bags rolling
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..
blessed
Blessed are the dumbfucks.
slime
In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.
couple giving guy
Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag and give me the fu**ing paper before I pop your head like a zit. He said, you're a lesbian, aren't you?
imagination
Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.
pants breakfast seven
I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
grandmother self turkeys
[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.
perfect guy nobodys-perfect
Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....
science magic looks
Science, you don't know, looks like magic.
pain rejection black
And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
bells ribbons cold
Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
names towns said
What is your name?" asked Lear. Caius," said Kent. And whence do you hail?" From Bonking, sire." Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?
house suffering wake-up
Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.