Deborah Tannen
Deborah Tannen
Deborah Frances Tannenis an American academic and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. She has been McGraw Distinguished Lecturer at Princeton University and was a fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences following a term in residence at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, NJ...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionSociologist
Date of Birth7 June 1945
CountryUnited States of America
looks language realizing
We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has
morning character men
To say anything about women and men without marking oneself as either feminist or anti-feminist, male-basher or apologist for men seems as impossible for a woman as trying to get dressed in the morning without inviting interpretations of her character. Sitting at the conference table musing on these matters, I felt sad to think that we women didn't have the freedom to be unmarked that the men sitting next to us had. Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.
frustration men offering
If women are often frustrated because men do not respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often frustrated because women do.
communication female males
Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication
adjust attitude convey dismiss fact ignores information involved major monitor people reasonable seem setting small social talk talking toward worthless
Many of us dismiss talk that does not convey important information as worthless - meaningless small talk if it's a social setting or "empty rhetoric" if it's public. Such admonitions as "Skip the small talk, " "Get to the point," or "Why don't you say what you mean?" may seem to be reasonable. But they are reasonable only if information is all that counts. This attitude toward talk ignores the fact that people are emotionally involved with each other and that talking is the major way be establish, maintain, monitor and adjust our relationships.
advice bugs cannot daughters mothers obvious powerful reason
Part of the reason (motherly advice) bugs us as daughters is because our mothers are so powerful in our lives. They loom like giants. The reason mothers keep at it is because they're so powerless. They cannot get you to do what is so obvious to them you should do.
coming dealing feeling gives people somehow
When you feel that the people you are dealing with day to day don't have manners, it gives you the feeling that the world is somehow coming apart. It makes you feel that everything is out of control.
mistake communication believe
The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.
communication independence world
Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.
reason gender authority
Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.
unique justice groups
We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.
underestimate overestimate
Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's
want ifs
Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.
mean ideas people
To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.