Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny moving humor
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
brain say-anything together
I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, "Cool, that one works".
want dry choke
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
interesting adjectives size
Clothing sizes are weird, they go: small, medium, large and then extra large, extra extra large, extra extra extra large. Something happened at large, they just gave up. They were like, 'I'm not doing any more adjectives; you just keep putting extras on there.' We could do better than that: small, medium, large, whoa, easy, slow down, stop it, interesting, American.
morning track looking-forward
And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.
night thinking phones
I think as a performer, it can be really great to stand on stage, especially when you have more time, but I do think about the specific people in the audience, how it's hard for them to get up and go to the bathroom, how they chose not to do other things that night and have turned off their phones and everything. So for that reason, I think it's necessary to mix it up and talk to the audience.
funny humor balloons
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
im-sorry letters saws
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
funny im-sorry witty
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
cousin names guy
When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.
fall animal expression
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
hands rude wonder
I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
funny humor garbage-disposal
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
firsts my-favorite first-time
Usually my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.