Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
miracle would-be care
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
people mediocre intellect
I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
trying killing-yourself ifs
If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.
christian jesus sorry
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?
tonight kind problem
I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.
definitions used ruined
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
baby war excuse-you
The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
religious diagnosis want
Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.
hands people killing
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
teacher school today
What did you learn in school that you still use today? Go ahead teachers, tell me. What? Fear, conformity, don't question authority...
people acting hollywood
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need to be known anymore than I am. The slight sliver of fame I do have is hard to deal with. If I was actually well-known - I don't even know what to say to people who are at my show when I walk into the venue, much less having waitresses in diners asking for my autograph.
instinct true-god
Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
thinking get-better firsts
The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
two different world
The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.