Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
people acting hollywood
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need to be known anymore than I am. The slight sliver of fame I do have is hard to deal with. If I was actually well-known - I don't even know what to say to people who are at my show when I walk into the venue, much less having waitresses in diners asking for my autograph.
fall self drunk
I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.
instinct true-god
Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
thinking get-better firsts
The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
two different world
The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
sex order needs
Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
world homosexuality this-society
When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
respect men ease
The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.
waiting parent wallets
I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here.
hands idols people
People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"
good-things
I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
thinking people wonder
I'm not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am.
balls ugly weakness
When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.
kings dvds who-i-am
The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.