Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
brain comedy crafted element fact fraudulent months night rolling root though weeks
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
two people drug
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
unique doctors interesting
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
party people want
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
atheist two news
You never hear in the news, 'Two hundred killed today when atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the agnostic stronghold in the north.'
trying alive sin
Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.
thinking gun make-you-think
We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
thinking unions lines
I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!
who-we-are flaws
It's our flaws who make us who we are.
people mediocre intellect
I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
trying killing-yourself ifs
If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.
christian jesus sorry
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?
tonight kind problem
I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.
definitions used ruined
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.