Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.,is a clinical psychologist and a contributor to feminist theory and therapy. From 1972 to 2001 she was a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas and a faculty member and supervisor in the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry. During this time she published extensively on the psychology of women and family relationships, revising traditional psychoanalytic concepts to reflect feminist and family systems perspectives. Her son is the National Book Award-nominated poet and novelist Ben Lerner...
Harriet Lerner quotes about
mistake self-esteem responsibility
If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner.
relationship intimate substitutes
Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships.
waiting firsts recipes
If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
problem
What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
anxiety calm contagious
Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
nagging
Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.
sex normal fantasy
Whatever your sex fantasy is with your partner, consider it normal.
book experts emotion
No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
distance cat thinking
The rush of sexual attraction can act like a drug and blur our capacity for clear thinking. This can lead us to distance ourselves from our friends or even abandon our life plan for someone who couldn't otherwise be relied on to water our plants and feed our cat.
issues fire fuel
Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.
buddhist morning believe
If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing of teeth. It's not realistic to believe that you will live your promises as a daily practice -- unless you're a saint or a highly evolved Zen Buddhist. Not where marriage is concerned. But you can make a practice of returning to your vows when the going gets rough.
courage acts-of-courage acknowledge
It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.
running brave want
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
meaningful anger glasses
Anger is neither legitimate nor illegitimate, meaningful nor pointless. Anger simply is. To ask, "Is my anger legitimate?" is similar to asking, "Do I have the right to be thirsty? After all, I just had a glass of water fifteen minutes ago. Surely my thirst is not legitimate. And besides, what's the point of getting thirsty when I can't get anything to drink now, anyway?" Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel--and certainly our anger is no exception.