Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.,is a clinical psychologist and a contributor to feminist theory and therapy. From 1972 to 2001 she was a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas and a faculty member and supervisor in the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry. During this time she published extensively on the psychology of women and family relationships, revising traditional psychoanalytic concepts to reflect feminist and family systems perspectives. Her son is the National Book Award-nominated poet and novelist Ben Lerner...
Harriet Lerner quotes about
silence threat difficult
Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
courageous about-yourself
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
taken past reality
My debt to feminism is simply incalculable. Feminism allowed me to see past a 'reality' that I had once taken as a given. It helped me to pay attention to countless voices, my own included, that I had been taught 'don't count.' Feminism allows me to maintain hope.
joy may pretending
Pretending can be a bold form of experimentation and inventiveness. In pretending joy or happiness, we may discover or enhance our capacity for it.
motherhood feelings hazards
Feeling inadequate is an occupational hazard of motherhood.
good-enough enough reason
Love alone is never a good enough reason to marry.
girl women anxiety
The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
self-esteem people feelings
Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior.
war believe fighting
Request an apology when you believe you deserve one, but don't get in a tug of war about it. Instead, be a role model and tender a genuine apology yourself when an apology is due. Your willingness to apologize can be contagious and models maturity for your partner. Also, your non-apologizing partner may use a nonverbal way to reconnect after a fight, defuse the tension, or show you he's in a new place and wants to repair a disconnection. Accept the olive branch however it's offered.
couple fighting patterns
It's remarkable how many couples can precisely describe their particular pattern of painful fighting, and claim to be helpless to change it.
sex men conversation
Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
heart goal addresses
Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
choices should clinging
Fear has never helped anybody make good choices. It leads to clinging when we should be walking.
heart voice knowing
Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.