Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth16 March 1906
CountryUnited States of America
central-park four parks
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
religion coward accounts
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.
husband fall home
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
drinking beer drunk
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.
wife cards saving
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did
years doing-nothing impossible
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
atheist holiday christmas-wishes
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
marriage letting-go hands
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
wife way remember
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
nice men next-day
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!
hitting behinds
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
years two people
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
wife cooking dresses
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
killing shots made
I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.