Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth16 March 1906
CountryUnited States of America
idiot paid
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
telephones bills saws
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
suicide killing commit
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
marrying
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
married
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
food wife tree
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.
years wife lasts
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
funny-marriage done married
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
get-up
Let's get up here before we get killed!
clothes doctors mad
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".
teacher teaching funny-retirement
Old teachers never die, they just grade away.
taken men car
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
teacher teaching men
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
two lawyer asks
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'