Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth16 March 1906
CountryUnited States of America
wife way remember
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
i-love-you married wanted
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
nice men next-day
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!
hitting behinds
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
funny humor yelling
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
funny humor parking-meters
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
years two people
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
good-life drinking food
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
wife cooking dresses
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
beach grandma kids
A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!
inspirational funny family
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
golf two balls
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
funny new-york humor
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
girl night lasts
I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.