Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
shallow more-to-life obvious
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
congratulations numbers loser
I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'
funny ice massage
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
speech speechless
I am speechless: I have no speech
odds dumb challenges
The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.
dream night lasts
I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME!
halloween self years
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
eclairs gymnast hell
What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
thirsty pretzels
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
distance way miles
You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?' 'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way. 'When do you get off work?' 'Around 3 miles.'
be-kind ifs vague
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
sex lying people
Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.
voice wife funny-marriage
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
phones meditation mind
It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!