Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
expect gonna guys hey owes ridiculous sign walking
I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.
bar candy eating guy named next run says sorry time
I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.
funny humor want
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
funny humor glasses
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
funny humor smell
I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!
funny leadership sarcastic
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
funny humor want
I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"
funny sex humor
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
funny humor cab-drivers
I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.
funny humor air-balloons
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"
funny humor thinking
Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.
funny humor lasts
I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
funny sweet humor
Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.
funny food humor
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.