Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
palm wrote
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.
target tried walking
I tried walking into a Target , but I missed.
candle store
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.
banana green hell hold light means red traffic yellow
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
animals band beings human lead people second singer
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
anniversary asking company fifth five insurance interview job lady question year
I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" and i said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question
funny humor thinking
There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!"
mcdonalds want rebellious
I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!
kings bed knows
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
drs peppers degrees
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
funny humor mean
When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That's the worst method. You're up here, and then you see a floating candle. "Oh, no! This place is haunted!" I can't be funny when I'm frightened.
funny humor men
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
funny humor kids
I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.
funny humor cutting
I ordered a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "Well, so do I!" "Then let's form a club." "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle, and in the middle we will dump chips." "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed."