Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
phases tables dinner
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
funny anniversary marriage
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
funny hilarious witty
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
football motivational-sports inspiration
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
years use cleaning
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
sex heart doors
Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
funny mom mother
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
family years insane
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
mother baby laughing
I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.
sex comedy timing
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
thinking age cocktails
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
best joke
If that's the best joke in the world, then I've never had a face-lift.