Stephen Wright
Stephen Wright
asked bath came dry food guy health melt store worked
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
ask dangerous drink sit stare
He used to sit very quiet. Dangerous quiet, if you ask me. And he'd stare at her with that look he has. He didn't need drink to make him dangerous.
ask boat build people
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat
ask freak help love size
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium.
asked friend great invented
My friend invented Cliff's Notes. When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, "Well, first I... I just... well, to make a long story short...
hear maybe music radio song time wrote
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, "Hey, maybe I wrote that.
american-comedian birthday burned candle factory happy last sang stood week
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
grocery outside saw sign
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars.
consumers electricity encourage policies recognize
We need to encourage policies that recognize that being a little long in electricity is much better for consumers than being a little short,
alphabet guy song wrote
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
event gas increase scale sliding
We have the new sliding scale in place in the event of another increase in gas prices,
beauty decided died happened impression looks men reconcile spot
When you see it in summer, it's just beautiful, and then you read the plaques about how 2,000 men died on this spot in 20 minutes. To reconcile how it looks today, the beauty of it, with what actually happened made a big impression on me, and I decided I had to do something one day.
closet elevator five minutes stand
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
evening fire fireplace front laid microwave night
I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.