Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
dog paranoid not-sure
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
mirrors house tape
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
running believe belief
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
funny happy-birthday friends
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
funny life reading
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
lost
I just lost a buttonhole.
keys car break-out
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
funny humor eyeglasses
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
funny humor thinking
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
depression sarcastic anger
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
kids perception taught
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.
funny humor people
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
lips karaoke arrested
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
tourists ifs cant
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them