Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
tourists ifs cant
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
funny birthday humor
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
land pieces property
I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.
depression nice scare
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
inferiority very-good inferiority-complex
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
self boss gas-stations
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
animal plant
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
funny success clever
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
funny humor limits
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
firsts killing first-time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
funny humor microwaves
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
mind madness lost
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
funny humor people
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
funny memories humor
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.