W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
funny clever smart
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
cheating ifs
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
wife splits woods
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
mom towns restaurants
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
race people tree
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
running home average
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
comedian can-do
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
funny jobs grateful
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
breakfast
I never eat before breakfast.
trying succeed facts
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
insulting swallowing plums
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
saloons old-hollywood ifs
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
pain men necks
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
wife buried my-wife
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.