W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
drinking alcohol done
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
cheating ifs
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
wife splits woods
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
doctors undertaker
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
business race years
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
trust cutting cards
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
humorous names use
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
memories humorous names
I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.
scotch-whisky nerves bartending
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
vat whiskey comedy
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
children comedy should
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
ambition men america
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
drinking cost-of-living alcohol
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
insulting swallowing plums
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.