Will Martin
Will Martin
Will Martinis a New Zealand-born classical crossover singer...
lonely stores fooled
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
attitude stupid cat
I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.
party thinking numbers
Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.
running numbers machines
I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
funny im-sorry humor
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
sports fun swimming
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
interesting refrigerators magnet
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
jesus funny-christmas shopping
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
space eyebrows space-between
Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.
summer location different
I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
running games tennis
Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.
stars hipster comedian
I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.
giving people lollipop
A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.
funny im-sorry humor
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'