Famous Quotes & Sayings

Allan Sherman

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Anthony Jeselnik

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

Anthony Jeselnik

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Anthony Jeselnik

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

Anthony Jeselnik

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

Anthony Jeselnik

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Bethany Koch

We have one more step. We've been waiting for this game. We just have to realize this is it. Our season is going to be over by (next) Saturday, win or lose. We have to get our heads straight.

Deion Sanders

I like what I see. I think the league is heading in the proper direction.

Adrian Schmidt

The performance was stronger than the headline numbers suggest. It suggests that manufacturing is accelerating.

Michael Franti

After a show, I'll get the 16-year-old white kid whose lip is pierced, his head is shaved and his parents hate him, and the young gangster from the screwed-up 'hood, and they say that now they realize there's someone out there who thinks like they do.

Alan King

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

Kevin Bardsley

We didn't want them to have to recreate the wheel, ... In our eyes, Garrett saved Brennan's life because of the things that we've learned.

Charles Fillmore

The mind is the seat of perception of the things we see, hear, and feel. It is through the mind that we see the beauties of the earth and sky, or music, of art, in fact, of everything. That silent shuttle of thought working in and out through cell and nerve weaves into one harmonious whole the myriad moods of mind, and we call it life.

Charles Fillmore

Here is a mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy.

Charles Bukowski

To do a dull thing with style-now that's what I call art.

Charles Bukowski

Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.

Charles Bukowski

If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose.

Charles Bukowski

Life's as kind as you let it be.

Charles Bukowski

We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

Charles Bukowski

Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.

Will Stofega

It's a very young industry, and over the past two years it has done wonderful things, but I'm waiting for it to reach the next step.

Bob Baker

It's back running production volume and over the next year that will ramp up.

Blake Darcy

It's a year 2000 event. This year it's wireless trading and after-hours trading. Next year it'll be the computerized advice, customized service.

Paul Weller

I never, ever wanted to be the Rolling Stones. Bless their hearts, but I don't necessarily want to go on doing the same old thing for the next 10, 20 years... I could see how easy it is to get into that rut, the whole touring mindset.

Suranand Vejjajiva

We probably have to take it into consideration for our next step.

Chris Houston

We practically have a whole new team, so this is a rebuilding year. We plan to have some success here next year and the year after that, definitely.

Bob Newhart

I can't do a one-camera show. I don't know how to do that kind of show where you count in your head and then you do the next line.

Arthur Ransome

When a thing's done, it's done, and if it's not done right, do it differently next time.

David Miller

The performance of the stock is going to come down to the movies. It's that simple. And there are no sequels in store for next year.

Andy Johnson

Some people think that because it's a threatened species, that every one we save is good. But not if they never get to live in the wild.

Andrew Niccol

Some people think 'Lord of War' is a political film,

Daniel Petrocelli

Some people think it's a waste of time to go to trial here.

Liam Hemsworth

Southern people remind me a lot of Australia.

Jim Anderson

So we're trying to let people know that we will automatically enroll them in Part D and there is no premium at all,

Susan Murray

So we're telling people they should know what they're paying.

Mark Rylance

So there's a lot of people tied into believing that the traditional response to the authorship question. In terms of actors, some people get very angry about it.

E. O. Wilson

so that the will of the people can be upheld.

J. J. Johnson

Once you go out and start making plays, they don't say that anymore, ... You just have to play and show people what you can do.