Famous Quotes & Sayings

I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.

I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.

I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

David Schwartz

It's big. They'll bet for the same reason people who don't even like football tune into the game: It's a big spectacle.

Melissa McCarthy

I wanted to be a drag queen so badly. I'll bet I still own more wigs than any drag queen - I love me a wig.

Allan Sherman

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Anthony Jeselnik

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

Anthony Jeselnik

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Anthony Jeselnik

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

Anthony Jeselnik

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

Anthony Jeselnik

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Alan King

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

Will Stofega

It's a very young industry, and over the past two years it has done wonderful things, but I'm waiting for it to reach the next step.

Bob Baker

It's back running production volume and over the next year that will ramp up.

Blake Darcy

It's a year 2000 event. This year it's wireless trading and after-hours trading. Next year it'll be the computerized advice, customized service.

Paul Weller

I never, ever wanted to be the Rolling Stones. Bless their hearts, but I don't necessarily want to go on doing the same old thing for the next 10, 20 years... I could see how easy it is to get into that rut, the whole touring mindset.

Suranand Vejjajiva

We probably have to take it into consideration for our next step.

Chris Houston

We practically have a whole new team, so this is a rebuilding year. We plan to have some success here next year and the year after that, definitely.

Bob Newhart

I can't do a one-camera show. I don't know how to do that kind of show where you count in your head and then you do the next line.

Arthur Ransome

When a thing's done, it's done, and if it's not done right, do it differently next time.

David Miller

The performance of the stock is going to come down to the movies. It's that simple. And there are no sequels in store for next year.

Rick Baker

I wanted to make sure to always stay current, try to find new material and stay with the modern techniques.

Reggie Bush

I am my own biggest critic ... I'm constantly criticizing myself, constantly trying to find ways to better myself and ... compete and, you know, just be the best.

Tom Hodgkinson

Labour-saving devices just make us try to cram more pointless activities into each day, rather than doing the important thing, which is to enjoy our life.

Toni Morrison

I'm just trying to look at something without blinking, to see what it is like, or it could have been like, and how that had something to do with the way we live now. Novels are always inquiries for me.

Tom Verlaine

Everybody's out trying to be commercial. I'm not trying to be anything, really.

Scott Adkins

I put so much pressure on myself to raise the bar with each and every project. I treat it like every film is my last, and I make sure I pour everything I have into every film I make because if I'm not trying to improve, someone else will

Fannie Lou Hamer

I guess if I'd had any sense, I'd have been a little scared [to register to vote] - but what was the point of being scared? The only thing they could do was kill me, and it kinda seemed like they'd been trying to do that a little bit at a time since I could remember.

Christian Siriano

A bad investment is going for quantity over quality. If you're trying to be careful with your wallet, especially with the economy right now, you have to choose staple pieces.

Jack Nicholson

Always try in interviews to avoid the cliches about the problems of public life.

Bobby Womack

I started with Sam Cooke when I was 6 or 7 years old.

Bobby Scott

Each year over 2,500 commercial vessels enter the Port of Hampton Roads alone, so adequate funding for port security is a significant issue for those of us who live in Richmond and Hampton Roads.

Bobby Sherman

In the last 5 years I've been working with the LAPD, training police officers in first aid and CPR.

Bobby Knight

At one point, I said to the officials that you guys haven't called walking for 20 years, now you don't know what it is. When you call walking, you're about half right.

Bobby Cox

This year is different, ... We have 11 for about four.

Dustin Hoffman

I decided a long time ago but sometimes it takes you 40 years to get around to doing something - and that's the truthful answer.

Adolf Hitler

Every year a thousand kilometers of motor-roads will be opened until the greatest work in the history of mankind is completed.

Adolf Hitler

Thus one of Europe's most serious crises will be ended, and all of us, not only in Germany but those far beyond our frontiers, will then in this year for the first time really rejoice at the Christmas festival. It should for us all be a true Festival of Peace.

Adolf Hitler

In the course of carrying through our program for which we have calculated four years, two and one-quarter million out of six million unemployed have already received employment again within a period of eight short months.