Famous Quotes & Sayings

Damon Wayans

I was 12 years old when I had my first job, delivering packages.

Damon Wayans

And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor.

Damon Wayans

Some struggle is healthy. If you can embrace it rather than be angry, you can use it as your pilot light.

Damon Wayans

My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand.

Damon Wayans

The less food, the more time to talk, the more to talk about.

Damon Wayans

Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself.

Dana Carvey

We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know?

Carrot Top

I never looked at Gallagher like he was a threat to me.

Bill Hicks

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Louie Anderson

We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Louie Anderson

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family.

Louie Anderson

A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?

Kevin Nealon

If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.

Red Buttons

I'll tell you the truth; I wanted to leave me for Sid Caesar.

Red Buttons

Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.

Red Buttons

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Do you think that you shall enter the Garden of Bliss without such trials as came to those who passed before you?

Every suggested idea produces a corresponding physical reaction. Every idea constantly repeated ends by being engraved upon the brain, provoking the act which corresponds to that idea.

You must give to get, You must sow the seed, before you can reap the harvest.

Rosie O'Donnell

We are losing the democracy that we're trying to sell in the Mideast and everywhere else right here in our own nation.

Rosie O'Donnell

I find this proposed amendment very, very, very, very shocking. And immoral. And, you know, if civil disobedience is the way to go about change, then I think a lot of people will be going to San Francisco.

From my earliest days I have enjoyed an attractive impediment in my speech. I have never permitted the use of the word stammer. I can't say it myself.

There can be a fundamental gulf of gracelessness in a human heart which neither our love nor our courage can bridge.

Randy Newman

I like the idea of taking a true classic written by a true genius and destroying it essentially! I like the idea of bringing it down to earth a bit - and even a bit lower than that.

Randy Newman

If we'd had another carefree 70's, I'd have been dead. It was a little too carefree, you know? I don't know how carefree they were for me, I think I was worried then, I can't remember what about.

Richard Lewis

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.

Ruby Wax

College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.

Jay London

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

Jay London

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

Paul Reiser

But I really felt that, something about the lights going down, and the sense of community. I saw this movie at one festival, and there were 1700 people.

Paul Reiser

This is not the most right I've ever been.

Paul Reiser

Not only do I sing to him, I sing entire conversations. You become Jerry Lewis.

Ben Stiller

Finding a woman to share your life is not an easy thing in the first place, and then to find yourself happy is even more pleasantly surprising.