Famous Quotes & Sayings

Emo Philips

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

Emo Philips

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Emo Philips

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

Emo Philips

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Emo Philips

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

Emo Philips

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

Emo Philips

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Emo Philips

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Emo Philips

I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.

Emo Philips

Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And that's a nice service that many of them provide.

Emo Philips

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

Emo Philips

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

Emo Philips

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."

Emo Philips

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun..

Emo Philips

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Emo Philips

Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.

Emo Philips

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

Emo Philips

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'

Emo Philips

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Emo Philips

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Emo Philips

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

Emo Philips

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Emo Philips

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

Emo Philips

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

The first week will tell us a lot. It's going to be a fun year.

Emmanuelle Chriqui

I love doing voice-over. It's so fun.

James Frecheville

I wear a lot of things for fun. Sometimes Ill wear one item that is deliberately stupid because that will make the outfit cool.

James Franco

Villains can often be one note and I would say in that case, it's not fun to play the villain. It's fun to play the villain if he a) has dimension and b) the villain gets to do all the things in the movie that in life he would get punished for. In the movie, you're applauded for them if you do them with panache. And so that's why it's more fun to play the villain.

James Franco

...it can be so boring being you sometimes, and if you were the most special thing like that, it could be really great, but maybe some people say the same thing about you, and you want to tell those people: 'No, you're stupid, it's no fun being me.

James Franco

I'm an actor, I do movies, and I need to find somebody who enjoys that kind of stuff. It's not like, "Oh, I have my work time, and we go on a date, and it better be darn fun and exciting!" I think it should all coalesce a bit more.